Titanic
by Fig Newton Salad
Summary: Five battle-scared, kick-but, hardened shinobi take their girlfriends to see a special 12 year anniversary showing of "Titanic". But when the women start to cry their eyes out, can the men keep their pride? One Shot! Reviews very appreciated!


The music swelled to a heartrending crescendo. The very last scene faded before their eyes into blackness. There was a moment of profound silence. Kurenai drew a shuddering breath and pressed her Kleenex to her mouth, blinking back the tears. Then, softly at first, the gentle strains of Celine Dion singing "My Heart Will Go On" floated through the audience. There was an audible sigh. Kurenai gulped back her tears and blew her nose noisily.

"There there, honey," Asuma said stoically, putting an arm around her shoulders. Kurenai lost it. She buried her face into his chest, bawling her heart out.

"It's s-so beautif-f-ful!" she sobbed. Asuma hugged her reassuringly, rocking gently. Around them, people started leaving the theater in various states of despair.

Sasuke walked down the carpeted stairs stiffly. Karin was latched onto his arm, tears pouring down her face.

"And t-t-then he j-j-just let g-g-go!" she hiccupped, stumbling slightly. Sasuke steered her out of the theater firmly, holding her glasses in one hand.

"It's okay, Karin," he said, his face impassive. "Just a movie."

"J-j-just a m-m-moive?!" Karin gulped furiously. "It's T-T-Titanic!"

Sasuke handed her a Kleenex.

"Oh, get over it," he said slightly irritated. "That thing is like 10 years old."

Karin ripped the Kleenex from her date's hand and scrubbed at her tear-stained face angrily.

"You've g-g-got no f-f-feelings," she said darkly between sobs.

Out in the lobby, Temari stood with her back against a wall, staring ahead with blistering intensity. Shikamaru dug his hands in his pockets.

"Are you gonna—"

"I am NOT going to cry!" Temari snapped in a strangled voice.

Shikamaru raise his eyebrows slightly. His date continued to stare ahead—incidentally at a poster for Titanic—with furiously narrowed blue eyes. He bounced on the balls of his feet.

"You can cry if you wa—"

"I am NOT CRYING!" Temari cried, rounding on him furiously. Shikamaru blinked. Suddenly, Temari's bottom lip began to quiver. Her hands flew to her face, her rigid back collapsed, and she fell right into him, sobbing as if her heart were rent in two. Shikamaru caught her quickly, patting her back.

"It's okay, Temari," he said soothingly, "Leonardo di Caprio is still alive…"

"B-b-but he d-d-died!" Temari sobbed.

"No, honey, that was—"

"N-n-not _him,"_ Temari gulped furiously, "Jack-k-k died!"

"Oh."

A little ways away, Konan was leaning into her date's shoulder, weeping inconsolably.

"E-every t-time," she sobbed, "I s-s-see that m-movie it gets s-s-sader!"

Pein stroked her back silently, his face set like flint. He wasn't too sure he was on board with the idea of being seen in public with a hysterical female in his arms.

"It's so romant-t-tic!" Konan was saying, sniffing wetly. Pein stiffened.

"Er… Konan," he said, "If you need a tissue or something…"

"And th-th-then the way it ends-s-s!" Konan hiccupped, totally ignoring him. "It's s-s-so beautif-f-ful!"

Pein shut his eyes momentarily, drawing in a deep breath. He didn't know how much longer he could stand this…

"T-T-TRUE LOVE N-NEVER DIES!" Konan sobbed, burying her wet face deeper into his shoulder.

"Uh… listen, Konan," Pein said, trying to pry her from his—now slightly damp—black coat, "I've gotta use the restroom quick."

Konan let go and collapsed onto a bench below a huge poster advertising a romantic comedy starring Hugh Jackman. Pein blinked. Life never failed to entertain. He spun on his heel and made for the men's room, Konan's sobbing behind him with gusto.

Sakura walked slowly from the dark theater, the gentle strains of "My Heart Will Go On" wafting out into the popcorn-scented lobby from behind her. She was crying silently, Itachi's arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

"You okay, sweety?" he asked in a low voice.

Sakura nodded silently, drawing in uneven breaths between sobs. She sniffed wetly. What a beautiful film! How could it _really_ be the 12-year anniversary of its release? Some movies never get old. And what Jack did at the end…!

Sakura broke into a fresh wave of sobs, pressing her face against Itachi's shoulder. He cleared his throat.

"S-s-sorry," Sakura said wetly, "I just c-can't help it!"

"No, no, no," Itachi said quickly. "I er… just need to use the restroom. Hold on a sec, okay?"

"Okay," Sakura whispered, sinking onto a bench beside Konan, who was still sobbing lustily. Itachi took off after Pein in his sure, long strides, his date weeping softly on the bench behind him.

Temari was almost strangling her date. Shikamaru was patting her back and comforting her as best he could, but the blonde girl was sobbing uncontrollably, clinging with surprising strength to his neck, rambling on and on about how she never cried at movies.

"It's okay, Temari," Shikamaru said in a slightly strangled voice. "It's okay… there there…"

"But w-w-why did it all h-h-have to end that way?" Temari sobbed. Shikamaru sighed. How was he supposed to know?

"Listen, Temari," he said, "I er… kinda need to use the restroom, so uh…"

"YOU INSENSITIVE CHAUVINIST!" Temari cried furiously, shoving him aside and stomping over to a nearby bench. She proceeded to bury her face in her hands and let loose again. Shikamaru blinked. Then he loped off in the direction of the men's room.

Sasuke was almost at the end of his rope.

"S-some people d-don't have any f-f-feelings!" Karin sobbed, glaring at him. "S-some people d-d-don't appreciate t-t-true l-love!"

"Oh, will you drop it, Karin?" Sasuke said peevishly, trying to shake his arm loose. Karin had it in a death grip.

"I b-bet _Jack_ wouldn't m-mind if R-R-Rose started c-c-crying," Karin gulped furiously.

"Gosh!" Sasuke exclaimed, shaking his arm, "Will you _please_ let go?"

"W-w-why?" Karin said, glaring at him. Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

"I have to use the men's room, if you _must_ know," he said icily. Karin tossed her head and let go of his arm, flouncing off to sit beside Temari, who was still sobbing into her hands. Sasuke gave her one last exasperated look before striding off purposefully in the direction of the men's restroom.

Kurenai gave a long, shuddering sigh. Asuma patted her shoulder.

"It's okay, honey," he said gently. "You can cry if you want to."

"Oh A-A-Asuma!" Kurenai sobbed, throwing her arms around his neck. Asuma colored slightly and moved her out of the way of the flow of traffic from the theater doors.

"Uh… honey?" he said. Kurenai continued sobbing. "I uh… kind of have to use the men's room, so…"

"Oh! Sorry, honey," Kurenai said with a watery smile, "I'll just wait here…" She sank onto the bench beside a crying Karin and burst into tears once again. Asuma ambled off to the restroom, his wife's sobs echoing in his wake.

Asuma pushed open the heavy door to the theater's restroom, walked in and let it swing closed behind him. Then he stopped dead in his tracks, he jaw dropping, his cigarette falling unheeded to the tiled floor.

There were guys all over the gleaming men's room sobbing their hearts out.

Shikamaru was leaning over a sink, drawing hiccupping breaths, his tears falling freely into the porcelain bowl. Sasuke leaned against the wall beside the long mirror, staring ahead, tears streaming down his face. Itachi's head was in his hands, and he was drawing shuddering breaths, sniffing wetly every so often.

Asuma gaped. _These guys_ were crying?!

"It's all good, man," the white-haired Jiraya said, clapping Asuma on the back and wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, "Sometimes…" he sniffed hugely. "Sometimes it's okay to cry!" He broke out into fresh sobs, shaking his head and walking off in the direction of an empty stall. Asuma gaped.

Kankuro was sitting on the floor, his back against the smooth, tiled walls, head hanging, sobbing openly.

"Dude!" he said hoarsely. "I can't believe it ended that way!"

Asuma blinked. A little way away, Pein was staring into the mirror, a single tear falling to the counter below him. Kisame walked up and placed a hand on his shoulder, sniffling wetly, his tear-stained face stoic.

"It's okay, man," he said with effort, "It's okay."

"What are you guys doing here?" Asuma said in shock. He hadn't seen half of them in the theater. A huge, broad-chested Juugo staggered up to him, tears streaming down his face.

"We've b-been here since the f-f-first showing," he hiccupped. With inhuman effort, Asuma managed not to pass out.

Outside in the lobby, the women were still sitting on their benches, sobbing as if their hearts were broken. Sakura raised her tear-stained face from her hands and drew a shuddering breath.

"I can't understand-d-d it," she sobbed. "H-how c-c-can the b-b-boys not c-c-cry at T-T-Titanic?"

"Chauvinists," Temari said, and burst into fresh tears.

Kurenai blew her nose loudly into her tattered Kleenex.

"N-no," she said, eyes shining, "They're j-j-just being m-m-manly!"

All five of them broke down sobbing again.


End file.
